I finally went to my first Spanish lesson yesterday, taught by this guy Gabriel, after missing it twice in a row.  He's very sweet, but because I'm so set in my ways, it was hard to learn.  I'm a visual learner and those who know me, knows how I write everything down, verbatim...because I learn better when I see it, hear it, and write it.  I guess I was a challenge for my teachers when I was younger.  Anyhow, it drives me crazy not to be able to write things on a board for the kids to see. 

There are some similarities between Spanish and French and that was how I was able to get by with some of my Spanish speakers in the States, plus having their classmates translating for me was very helpful as well.  Here, I have Kathy and Anielka.  Without the two of them with me I can't fully express my thoughts to the kids about their photos and the poor kids, they are trying their earnest to communicate with me and all I can do is look and show them. 
Colochan working on his photo.  This photo was found in Explore! Thanks to my flickr friends for your support!  He was so happy when we told him the good news today.

But underneath it all, I am so grateful for the kids and their desire to learn is contagious!  I felt terrible today for showing up to class late and when Kathy and I arrived at the office, there they were.  Quietly waiting for us.  They come to class ready and eager to learn and are so attentive. They hang on to every word we say and are so bright when it comes to discussions.  We always stay way past our time and that's typical of me when I teach my kids.  I want to make myself as accessible to them as I can and I hope that somehow we can work this schedule out so that they can come in for extra help if they so desire.  Scheduling is such a conflict because each of the two groups have school at different times of the day.  One starts from morning til noon, then the second noon, til 5:00.   

The following morning, I woke up to no running water. I was upset because I didn’t have a chance to shower the night before due to the fact that there’s no light in the house. I woke up drenched in sweat as usual (very sexy isn’t it?) and couldn’t shower!

To make matters worst, I’ve been doing my share of donating my blood to the mosquitoes of Nicaragua. My arms and legs have mosquito bites all over that from a distant, I look like a Seurat painting with red dots. My current body spray of choice as of late is “OFF.” I spray it on before going to bed, and before I leave the house. You go to bed with the confidence of knowing that you won’t wake up with more red dots on parts of your body. Great commercial idea for anyone who’s interested.

The wealtheier Nicas have no problem living here because  they have their water pumps and generators, but the poor continue to suffer because obviously they can’t afford to buy these luxury items.

I've been taking showers with candle lights in the bathroom and reading with my flashlights.  When there's no running water, I take a bucket baths:) Fun at first, but eventually, you just get tired of it.  I love candles lighting them at night, etc,  But when you live in a colonial style house with those high ceilings and barely there windows, light is crucial to your safety in the dark!  I sound like such a spoil brat, but hey, everyone's got their rights to complain right?  As I told Steve, when I return to the States, I'm going to scrub myself clean!!!  You can read what Steve wrote about life in Nicaragua in general here. 

Yesterday morning I had to take the garbage out. It was only 5:30 and the garbage won’t be there until 6:00. So I stayed out to make sure the street dogs won’t get in the trash. I was just admiring the beautiful sky with streaks of gold and different hues of blue and how the sun is already warming the day with its heat. My neighbor across the street was caressing her cat, while her dog studied them. I went back into the house and got my camera and tripod to record the scene.

Then he came. This thin man, with his worn out clothing and leather-like skin that’s clinging to his boney arms and his bike with two plastic bags tied to them stopped by my pile of trash. I didn’t know what he was doing at first, so I smiled at him as he smiled back at me. He gently opened the first one and carefully close it back up because he didn’t find anything that the needed. I looked at him and looked away for fear of not wanting to embarrass him or disturb the site before my eyes. I noticed that my neighbor went inside her house as soon as she saw him. In a few seconds, I know he would be gone. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I left my camera on the tripod by itself and ran into the house and grabbed my snack bars that I left on the dining table and gave it to him as he was about to leave.

I went about my day as usual. After the photography class with the kids, I went into the barrio with Kathy, Anielka, and a guest (and I hope to be our potential donor). As Anielka studied the kids’ progress on their home works and test scores I was taking photos as usual. Everything was good until we stopped at our last house. It was a house I’ve seen many times, but never went in nor have seen anyone there. There was a hammock only a few feet away from a pig that’s twice my size tied to a tree in the midst of what looks like rubbles for a kitchen and a house. I remember wondering how can an animal that size and humans can live so close to one another.

The little girl was there. She had her younger sister, who must be about a year old strapped to a chair while she rocks her other sibling who was sleeping quietly in the hammock. At the same time she was shooing away the flies that were constantly covering the sleeping child’s face. The one that was strapped to the chair started crying, so she released the child and held her and swayed the hammock again. Then she put her to the chair again, this time started stirring whatever it was she was trying to cook on the stove.

I felt detached as I snapped away with my camera and I couldn’t put my camera down. I know that holding my camera to cover part of my face is a gesture of me protecting my own emotions that was consuming me as I watched her eyes, how those big, brown eyes sparkle with so much sadness and how she constantly bites her nails as she looks at my camera.

Kathy said, "she is 10 years old and is in 3rd grade.  She often can't attend school since only sometimes does her sister-in-law babysit.  Before EI she was not in school and had not been for a couple of years. She misses a lot of school due to her mothers work hours and lack of help from her brother or sister in law."

For the first time since I’ve been here, I woke up crying this morning as I reflect back on what I've witnessed.  I cried for the man and for the little girl.  No words or pictures can express my apathy for them and the conditions of their lives.  Just seeing the humility of the man as he opens the garbage bags reminded me of my parents and what we did to survive. How we would go through people’s trash cans looking for cans to recycle and would get shooed away like animals by the owners.

It’s not fair that there’s such a gap between the haves and have-nots and to know that there are more people living in worst conditions than the people I’ve seen here breaks my heart even more. I looked across the street from the house I’m currently staying at and could catch a glimpse of what my next door neighbor’s place look like. They are living in rubbles with dirt floors and boarded up windows while we have this nice, pristine place to live in.

I felt overwhelmed, but made peace with myself later because I know I can’t let my guilt eat at my soul. Even though I’m only working with a handful of kids, I’m doing my little part to help the community out. I realize that if I just sit on my couch in the comfort of my own home in the US and wishing that I can make a difference and hope that someone else will do what I can’t commit myself to do, then I’m not living, I’m only existing. What I give is not in monetary because I can’t afford to do that yet…but the gift I give to the kids comes from my heart and the smiles I get from the kids when they see their photos is my reward. That for me is priceless.

The weather has been so much cooler the past three days than it has been when I first got here.  I guess they have been anticipating rain for quite some time now and it's been raining here and there, but never enough to cause any inconvenience to anyone's way of life because it's just little sprinkles.   When it does pour, I'm always inside here at Euro Cafe or at the house.  Here's a picture of Euro Cafe.  That guy in the white tee will be my Spanish instructor. 

 I love it when it rains here because at both places I can see the rain drops due to the fact that alot of homes here have an open courtyard in the center.  It gives this illusion of being one with nature, yet protected from it. 

The kids and the families of the barrio are always on my mind whether it's hot and humid or pouring rain.  Their living condition is so sad.  I wonder how their makeshift homes can protect them from the rain and how they fare as water starts pouring through their dirt floor.  Their homes are made from found scraps of wood to pieces of plastic bags. Kathy said alot  of volunteers come here with the desire to make a difference in the lives of the kids, but the volunteers were the ones that left here changed.  I believe it.  In just a few days of staying here I can't say that I am not moved by the harsh conditions that some of the people here lived, yet they continue to face life and it's harshness head on with such grace. 

When I first got here, Cathy took me out to have dinner at Tequila Vallarta.  There we met Amannuel (I'm not sure about the spelling of his name), a street kid, while he was selling gum and cigarettes to the everyone he runs into on the streets. I truly envy Cathy for having the ability to communicate with these kids because I don't and I want to.  He was so cute.  He said he's 12 years old and lied to Cathy that he's going to school.  I saw him last night while we were out having dinner again at Tequila Vallarta with Mathieu, guy from Montreal and a proud owner of a piece of land in San Juan Del Sur.  I just saw Amanuel with his two other buddies while I was coming in here to work.  We somehow were able to greet one another with my bad Spanish.  He asked me buy lunch for him and his buddies because they are hungry.  I told him to show me his money as he did and counted 12 cordebos.  I told him to give me his money and he reached into his pocket to get the money out for me.  I just laughed and told him I have no money.  Here's a photo of my new friend from last night. 

I taught them the basics on how to turn the camera on and off, as well as the basic parts of the camera and their functions.  That must've took about an hour.  After that, I had them take photos of each other and whatever they like in EI's courtyard.  They were so cute.  They laughed and giggled as they looked at their own work through the LCD screen.  For a group of kids that have never touched a camera, they are learning quite fast.  Towards the end of the two hour session, everyone knew (or so they claimed) to take photos, how to review their images, delete unwanted photos, zoom in/zoom out, how to turn their flash on/off and when they should use flash. 

I guess the challenge was trying to get my every words translated by either Kathy or Anielka.  Kathy knows her Spanish, but when you're not a native speaker, I guess that limits you.  Anielka, speaks her language fluently, but she's still learning English.  So between the three of us, we somehow manage to get the basic points across. 

The first real class will start next Tuesday.  We have two groups.  Group A and Group B.  Group A will shoot Tuesday and edit their photos Wednesday.  Group B will shoot Thursday and edit their photos Friday.  We will be spending an hour and  half each day with the kids.  If necessary, we might make the sessions longer, but because I know they have other responsibilities, I have to be sensitive about not monopolizing their time too much.  I am truly excited about this and can't wait to see their talents with the camera. 

This has nothing to do with our orientation, but I went to El Club today for lunch with Kathy.  It's an upscale restaurant/hotel and there's alot of tourists that were there.  I wanted to use the restroom, but was hesitant because there's no running water (water and electricity gets turned off and on throughout the day here).  But I went to their restroom anyways.  I can't believe how relieve I was when I flushed the toilet and it actually flushed!!!  The past 7 days since I've been here, I have yet to hear an actual flushing sound of a toilet!  Sigh...the things we take for granted!!!

A letter from a sponsor is being read to a child while his little brother looks onSo here I am sitting at Euro Cafe, a cafe owned by a husband and wife team from the States.  It's been a daily stop for me since I've been here in Granada.  It's been so hot and humid, supposedly it's unseasonably warm for this time of year.  Electricity and water goes out often on a daily basis.  Everyone seems to be accepting it as a daily part of life, instead of complaining about it like people would in the States. 

It was hard for me to comprehend the kinds of struggle that Kathy and her team face on a daily basis in trying to promote their program and reaching out to the kids when I was in the States.  After spending all day walking through the barrio with Anielka, Kathy, and Jody (a member of the board of directors) Monday, I am amazed with the amount of time spent just trying to pass words around about my photography class and reading the letters that their sponsors sent to the kids.  There's no direct communication here whatsoever.  To get any news out, they have to walk to the barrios to talk to the kids and parents.  If nobody's home then they'd have to go back again the next day.  It seems easy enough, but if you have to fend off mosqitoes and endure the hot sun and humidity, two hours later, you're going to feel it. 

As a foreigner, the site I saw before my eyes was really heartbreaking. What I saw were homes that were assembled together with a combination of cardboard boxes, tarps, wood, and plastic pieces for their walls, topped with tin roofs, while the more well to do families have homes within the same row, but are made with concrete and tiled roofs. A tiny stream of waste water runs through both sides of the road. The kids play by the water and some even splashed their feet in it. They seem to be doing everything outside. They cook outside, they wash themselves outside, they iron outside, and they socialize outside. The neighborhood smelled of smoke because just about everyone burns their garbage by their homes. Each house we walked by, there’s usually a small pile of burning garbage at the corner somewhere.

As poor as they may seem to me though, one thing I noticed in particular is how their smile never seems to fade and how close they are together as a family. As we walked through the neighborhood, the people that know Kathy would greet us with an “adios” while hanging out in their yard with members of their family.

One family that really stuck out for me was a family of six where the mom serves as one of the parent board members for Empowerment International. The little girl’s face and huge, beautiful, brown eyes were unforgettable. While I was photographing her, she looked so shy and so sweet while hanging behind the barbed wire that holds the wood pieces together to form a fence. Fortunately Kathy knew the family so we were invited to go in and hang out with them.

While Kathy and I were walking through the gate, the mother swept away piles of leaves and sticks from the dirt floor and had her kids brought us chairs to sit on. The rusted iron chair that I sat on looked as if it would break if I put anymore weight on it, but I sat down anyways. The mother then must’ve send her older son to buy Coke to serve us because 10 min. later, he came back riding his bike with a liter of Coke in a plastic bag. The small gesture of kindness was really touching because I know that it’s not something that can afford to do on a regular basis. The kids were so well behaved and so sweet. 

As we started talking, I asked the kids what their names were. Their names were so different from the names of my Spanish students in the States. And because I’m a visual learner I asked the older boy, the one that purchased the Coke from the store to write his name for me so I can remember it. He came back with his full name neatly written on a little scrap of note book paper. The mother then had all of her four kids brought out their books and folders included what looks like all their graded tests and homework during the academic year to show to us. Just the way their faces beamed with smiles and how neatly they kept their work, I can tell that the mother and the kids were proud of their accomplishments. The older brother showed me grades and all his tests and homework, including drawings that he’s done. I asked him to read for me from one of his composition notebooks. He was more than happy to show me what he can do.

I was so absorbed into the older brother’s reading, that flies were swarming all over my plastic cup of Coke that’s been sitting on the ground. From the corners of my eye, I saw his younger brother sitting down on the ground beside my chair and started shooing away the flies. Eventually he came back with another plastic cup to cover my drink for me. I love hearing them speak because it sounded like Spanish mixed with the softness of Brazilian Portuguese.

I looked inside their home from the doorway and all I saw was a dirt floor with two rooms separated by wall made from cardboard boxes and another door parallel to the one I was looking through. Inside was just as austere as the outside of their home. There doesn’t seem to be much of anything in it. I wonder how the kids slept and what their beds must’ve look? Kathy showed me pictures of some of the other children’s beds earlier that morning and I just couldn’t believe that anyone would sleep in them.

I’m excited about working with these kids. In the midst of what seemed to me, one of the dirtiest places to live in, I saw people of great beauty, integrity, and with a heart to match their outer beauty. 

My anxieties are growing like this big pit in my stomach.  I'm worried about how I'm going to get past customs with my camera gear, my laptop and the 8 digital cameras that I'm packing including the 8 donated webcams without having them being suspicious about my motives.  I guess it helps to plan because I'm pretty sure there are documents out there that I should've attempt to obtained...but I guess that's for the next time!  I'm also worried about the language barrier.  Not sure how effective my teaching is going to be having someone translating my every word...but worst things could happen I guess.  Then there's the teaching.  I am a student still when it comes to photography...how can I effectively teach these kids about something that I have yet to master?

Tim Wagner, a reporter from the Beacon News came by yesterday to do an interview about my trip.  His son was a student of mine, so we started to naturally talk about the education of the kids here versus the education system at other parts of the world.  He asked me what I hope to accomplish during my six weeks with the kids.  A simple question that shouldn't take that much thought to respond.  But I was caught off guard because it's one of those things that I haven't really thought about.  I basically told him that I hope to inspire the kids to use photography as a form of communicating their thoughts and emotions.  I want to build a bridge between the kids in Nicaragua and my students here in America.  I want to provide the kids with some form of art education that they never have and help them to experience a new way of learning.  But I guess my overall goal is to make connections with these kids by reaching out to them in the only way that I know how...through art. 

These past three weeks I've been doing nothing but reading about Nicaragua, other NGO's blogs and websites, and immersing myself in this book that my student teacher, Grahme shared with me call, "Three Cups of Tea," by Greg Mortenson.  It's such an inspiring story and I honestly believe that God is truly looking out for me when he sends  people  like Grahme into my life.  From reading about Greg's journey and his perserverance to build schools in the Mideast, made me ashamed for worrying about such trivial things in my life.  I also watched, "Born Into Brothels" again, afterall this was one of the sources that inspired me to want to go teach photography to the kids in Nicaragua.  Then I started watching "Invisible Children," a dvd that my former students from the highschool shared with me. I don't know.  These past two weeks, I've been so engrossed with these social issues, I'm about to feel insignificant...these problems have been there way before my time.  I want to help everyone and everything out, but what can I do?  I suppose if everyone including Greg Mortenson felt this way, then the kids in Pakistan and Afghanistan would never have been educated now would they?

I don't really know what the outcome of my experience will be like for the kids or me or how much of me it will change, but I can only imagine. 

The community college that I've been taking photography class at finally approve my proposal for Independent Study for my experience down in Nicaragua.  Through my photos, I hope to capture the beauty of the people and the lives of the children that I will be working with.  I've been looking and studying Gregory Smith's photostream and I can't say enough great things about this man's work and compassion.

Two weekends ago, I attended a fundraiser in the city that were sponsored by ProjectFocus.  The fundraiser was to raise money for this youth-led initiative of artists, writers, activists, and students who are inspired to educate and empower youth through art to the children orphaned by HIV/AIDS in Uganda.  I really like their idea of fundraising by auctioning off their photos and the paintings that they were creating on site.  It's so inspiring to see that people actually care and that today's youth are taking the initiative to reach out to others that have more dire needs than they do. 

 The founder and director of EI emailed me the other day saying she needs to talk to me about something.  Ten million thoughts and worries flooded my mind all day because she's never been so evasive the past two years she and I have been communicating.  She called me later that evening and said that the crime rate in Nicaragua has been increasing and that a North American lady that lived next door to EI's office, a place where I'll be staying with Kathy, had her house broken into and was murdered.  My heart just sank.  Kathy felt obligated to tell me this because she was one fo the few people that said it was a safe place to be while everyone else I spoke with were telling me the opposite. 

I guess a couple volunteers have decided not to go because of it, but after a few minutes of talking to Kathy, I told her that it's not going to stop me from doing something that I've always dreamt of doing.  For me to give up my life long dream out of fear is something that I don't think I can live with.  I'm tired of living in fear.  I told Kathy that if God wants me to go, regardless of where I'm at, it's going to happen. 

I've worked so hard to put this together and have been inspired by so many contacts I've had.  I can't imagine myself letting the children down.  I've been reading about carf (Children At Risk Foundation) and it's images such as this and this that makes me determine to continue with this project.   This foundation is just inspirinig and it's people such as Gregory Smith and Kathy Adams that fuels my passion to use art as a medium to reach out to children. 

I haven't told anyone, but my student teacher about the news that Kathy shared with me.  I'm pretty sure after reading this blog my friends would be wondering why I want to go.  At this point in my life, I've accomplished much of the goals I've set for myself...and just like everyone else who have reached their 30's I want to find a greater purpose in my life.  If traveling across the globe and teaching art will fill this void, then perhaps I should just give it a go when I have nothing to lose, but more wisdom and knowledge to gain.