Happy fourth of July to everyone:)

A letter from a sponsor is being read to a child while his little brother looks onSo here I am sitting at Euro Cafe, a cafe owned by a husband and wife team from the States.  It's been a daily stop for me since I've been here in Granada.  It's been so hot and humid, supposedly it's unseasonably warm for this time of year.  Electricity and water goes out often on a daily basis.  Everyone seems to be accepting it as a daily part of life, instead of complaining about it like people would in the States. 

It was hard for me to comprehend the kinds of struggle that Kathy and her team face on a daily basis in trying to promote their program and reaching out to the kids when I was in the States.  After spending all day walking through the barrio with Anielka, Kathy, and Jody (a member of the board of directors) Monday, I am amazed with the amount of time spent just trying to pass words around about my photography class and reading the letters that their sponsors sent to the kids.  There's no direct communication here whatsoever.  To get any news out, they have to walk to the barrios to talk to the kids and parents.  If nobody's home then they'd have to go back again the next day.  It seems easy enough, but if you have to fend off mosqitoes and endure the hot sun and humidity, two hours later, you're going to feel it. 

I went into the barrio with Kathy for the first time today. As we walked through the neighborhood, she showed me Lemon’s house. Lemon was the North American lady that was killed by these guys from her neighborhood. Her home was right by EI’s office. With a story like that, I didn’t know how else to react so I didn’t say anything. Then after unlocking about five locks later, we were in EI’s office. It was a hot and humid day. I thought I drank enough water, but regardless of how much I’m drinking, I would feel lightheaded every time I try to get up and walk. I felt as if sweat was pouring out of every pore in my body. So when Kathy asked if I wanted to sit down and rest while she looks through some letters, I didn’t hesitate to say yes. About ten mosquito bites later, we started to head out towards the neighborhood where the kids live.

As a foreigner, the site I saw before my eyes was really heartbreaking. What I saw were homes that were assembled together with a combination of cardboard boxes, tarps, wood, and plastic pieces for their walls, topped with tin roofs, while the more well to do families have homes within the same row, but are made with concrete and tiled roofs. A tiny stream of waste water runs through both sides of the road. The kids play by the water and some even splashed their feet in it. They seem to be doing everything outside. They cook outside, they wash themselves outside, they iron outside, and they socialize outside. The neighborhood smelled of smoke because just about everyone burns their garbage by their homes. Each house we walked by, there’s usually a small pile of burning garbage at the corner somewhere.

As poor as they may seem to me though, one thing I noticed in particular is how their smile never seems to fade and how close they are together as a family. As we walked through the neighborhood, the people that know Kathy would greet us with an “adios” while hanging out in their yard with members of their family.

One family that really stuck out for me was a family of six where the mom serves as one of the parent board members for Empowerment International. The little girl’s face and huge, beautiful, brown eyes were unforgettable. While I was photographing her, she looked so shy and so sweet while hanging behind the barbed wire that holds the wood pieces together to form a fence. Fortunately Kathy knew the family so we were invited to go in and hang out with them.

While Kathy and I were walking through the gate, the mother swept away piles of leaves and sticks from the dirt floor and had her kids brought us chairs to sit on. The rusted iron chair that I sat on looked as if it would break if I put anymore weight on it, but I sat down anyways. The mother then must’ve send her older son to buy Coke to serve us because 10 min. later, he came back riding his bike with a liter of Coke in a plastic bag. The small gesture of kindness was really touching because I know that it’s not something that can afford to do on a regular basis. The kids were so well behaved and so sweet. 

As we started talking, I asked the kids what their names were. Their names were so different from the names of my Spanish students in the States. And because I’m a visual learner I asked the older boy, the one that purchased the Coke from the store to write his name for me so I can remember it. He came back with his full name neatly written on a little scrap of note book paper. The mother then had all of her four kids brought out their books and folders included what looks like all their graded tests and homework during the academic year to show to us. Just the way their faces beamed with smiles and how neatly they kept their work, I can tell that the mother and the kids were proud of their accomplishments. The older brother showed me grades and all his tests and homework, including drawings that he’s done. I asked him to read for me from one of his composition notebooks. He was more than happy to show me what he can do.

I was so absorbed into the older brother’s reading, that flies were swarming all over my plastic cup of Coke that’s been sitting on the ground. From the corners of my eye, I saw his younger brother sitting down on the ground beside my chair and started shooing away the flies. Eventually he came back with another plastic cup to cover my drink for me. I love hearing them speak because it sounded like Spanish mixed with the softness of Brazilian Portuguese.

I looked inside their home from the doorway and all I saw was a dirt floor with two rooms separated by wall made from cardboard boxes and another door parallel to the one I was looking through. Inside was just as austere as the outside of their home. There doesn’t seem to be much of anything in it. I wonder how the kids slept and what their beds must’ve look? Kathy showed me pictures of some of the other children’s beds earlier that morning and I just couldn’t believe that anyone would sleep in them.

I’m excited about working with these kids. In the midst of what seemed to me, one of the dirtiest places to live in, I saw people of great beauty, integrity, and with a heart to match their outer beauty. 

In two days I will be leaving to Nicaragua.  There are so many things to do still, but I'm not focus enough to do anything that's relevant as of now.  Here's a self portrait that I did yesterday to show you what I've been like as of late...busy as bee and avoiding everything that's essential!

My anxieties are growing like this big pit in my stomach.  I'm worried about how I'm going to get past customs with my camera gear, my laptop and the 8 digital cameras that I'm packing including the 8 donated webcams without having them being suspicious about my motives.  I guess it helps to plan because I'm pretty sure there are documents out there that I should've attempt to obtained...but I guess that's for the next time!  I'm also worried about the language barrier.  Not sure how effective my teaching is going to be having someone translating my every word...but worst things could happen I guess.  Then there's the teaching.  I am a student still when it comes to photography...how can I effectively teach these kids about something that I have yet to master?

Tim Wagner, a reporter from the Beacon News came by yesterday to do an interview about my trip.  His son was a student of mine, so we started to naturally talk about the education of the kids here versus the education system at other parts of the world.  He asked me what I hope to accomplish during my six weeks with the kids.  A simple question that shouldn't take that much thought to respond.  But I was caught off guard because it's one of those things that I haven't really thought about.  I basically told him that I hope to inspire the kids to use photography as a form of communicating their thoughts and emotions.  I want to build a bridge between the kids in Nicaragua and my students here in America.  I want to provide the kids with some form of art education that they never have and help them to experience a new way of learning.  But I guess my overall goal is to make connections with these kids by reaching out to them in the only way that I know how...through art. 

These past three weeks I've been doing nothing but reading about Nicaragua, other NGO's blogs and websites, and immersing myself in this book that my student teacher, Grahme shared with me call, "Three Cups of Tea," by Greg Mortenson.  It's such an inspiring story and I honestly believe that God is truly looking out for me when he sends  people  like Grahme into my life.  From reading about Greg's journey and his perserverance to build schools in the Mideast, made me ashamed for worrying about such trivial things in my life.  I also watched, "Born Into Brothels" again, afterall this was one of the sources that inspired me to want to go teach photography to the kids in Nicaragua.  Then I started watching "Invisible Children," a dvd that my former students from the highschool shared with me. I don't know.  These past two weeks, I've been so engrossed with these social issues, I'm about to feel insignificant...these problems have been there way before my time.  I want to help everyone and everything out, but what can I do?  I suppose if everyone including Greg Mortenson felt this way, then the kids in Pakistan and Afghanistan would never have been educated now would they?

I don't really know what the outcome of my experience will be like for the kids or me or how much of me it will change, but I can only imagine. 

As my departure date draws closer, I'm feeling more anxious about leaving to Nicaragua.  The past week, I've been reading about Nicaragua  from Moon handbook and I'm beginning to feel some sense of shock that I'm going there.  I wanted to keep my optimism, but it's hard because I really don't know what to expect, but from reading other's writings through books and blogs, I am trying to brace myself for an emotionally challenging experience. 

The community college that I've been taking photography class at finally approve my proposal for Independent Study for my experience down in Nicaragua.  Through my photos, I hope to capture the beauty of the people and the lives of the children that I will be working with.  I've been looking and studying Gregory Smith's photostream and I can't say enough great things about this man's work and compassion.

Two weekends ago, I attended a fundraiser in the city that were sponsored by ProjectFocus.  The fundraiser was to raise money for this youth-led initiative of artists, writers, activists, and students who are inspired to educate and empower youth through art to the children orphaned by HIV/AIDS in Uganda.  I really like their idea of fundraising by auctioning off their photos and the paintings that they were creating on site.  It's so inspiring to see that people actually care and that today's youth are taking the initiative to reach out to others that have more dire needs than they do. 

At this time I would be reading about Tuscany, packing, and planning for my Italian studying art abroad already, but instead, here I am... at lost in my own thoughts about what's been going on in Nicaragua and why I'm so insistant on going still.

 The founder and director of EI emailed me the other day saying she needs to talk to me about something.  Ten million thoughts and worries flooded my mind all day because she's never been so evasive the past two years she and I have been communicating.  She called me later that evening and said that the crime rate in Nicaragua has been increasing and that a North American lady that lived next door to EI's office, a place where I'll be staying with Kathy, had her house broken into and was murdered.  My heart just sank.  Kathy felt obligated to tell me this because she was one fo the few people that said it was a safe place to be while everyone else I spoke with were telling me the opposite. 

I guess a couple volunteers have decided not to go because of it, but after a few minutes of talking to Kathy, I told her that it's not going to stop me from doing something that I've always dreamt of doing.  For me to give up my life long dream out of fear is something that I don't think I can live with.  I'm tired of living in fear.  I told Kathy that if God wants me to go, regardless of where I'm at, it's going to happen. 

I've worked so hard to put this together and have been inspired by so many contacts I've had.  I can't imagine myself letting the children down.  I've been reading about carf (Children At Risk Foundation) and it's images such as this and this that makes me determine to continue with this project.   This foundation is just inspirinig and it's people such as Gregory Smith and Kathy Adams that fuels my passion to use art as a medium to reach out to children. 

I haven't told anyone, but my student teacher about the news that Kathy shared with me.  I'm pretty sure after reading this blog my friends would be wondering why I want to go.  At this point in my life, I've accomplished much of the goals I've set for myself...and just like everyone else who have reached their 30's I want to find a greater purpose in my life.  If traveling across the globe and teaching art will fill this void, then perhaps I should just give it a go when I have nothing to lose, but more wisdom and knowledge to gain.