For the first time in my life, I have seen all that my mom taught me put into practice here in Cambodia. When you meet someone the first time, you greet them with your hand in a prayer position and your head bow down. When you leave them, it's the same. As a woman, when you sit, you sit with both of your legs together and swing them to the side. When you laugh, cover your mouth so your teeth won't show. It is not proper when people can hear you laugh or see your teeth. The clothes that you were needs to be covering the rest of you. Tank tops are too risque and your skirt should not be higher than your knees. Then mom would stressed that you should not sit with your legs crossed as a woman because it is improper.

I knew all of this when I was younger, but somewhere along the line of searching for myself and my American dreams, I've lost all of this. Now while here, I am relearning and re-educating myself based on my conversations and observations of my friends and colleagues that I've met here in Cambodia. Many have asked me if this trip was to find my roots. At first I thought it would be, but then I have not even visited Laos, my birth place, nor Yunnan, my parents birthplace.  Even though the Khmer people are not Laos nor Chinese, being around them taught me how similar we all are as Southeast Asians. With the border dispute between Cambodians and Thais over Preah Vihear, there's a call of nationalism between both countries...and supposedly the Thais are denying having any similarities with Laos and Cambodia. 

I am getting side tracked here, but I wanted to end this blog with Edie's well-intended gesture. Edie is from Belgium who have happens to be crossing path with me while coming back to Phnom Penh from Siem Reap. I shared with him what my colleague Chamnab and I have been doing with the children and he said, "oh, I want to do magic shows for your children!" We all thought it was great so he came with us the next day. The children of course loved every minute of it. Well he asked me to go up on to the front and be his side kick. I did and sat on the chair as instructed. He showed the children the scarf he was going to use to wrap around my neck. He tucked the ends inside my t-shirt. A few seconds later, he pulled the scarf and attached between the two scarves was a bra. I was shocked, but thought it was funny. My students were shocked and all looked away without any sense of amusement whatsoever, but embarrassment I believe. I'm not sure if Edie caught it, but they didn't laugh as expected. Chamnab, by coworker was embarrassed and apologized to me for being there. I didn't think it was a big deal as an American who is quite liberal in her thinking, but I guess to them showing a woman's under garment in public like that is improper.

To start, I had the opportunity to take my students to visit the amazing Nathan Horton's studio.  He was absolutely wonderful.  He showed the children lighting basics and had them shoot with his equipment and they absolutely loved it.   Afterwards, he showed them his workflow and how he edit his photos.   He also showed them his incredible work that's been published in Cambodia.   Then he surprised us all by giving each one of them, including me, his photos on canvas.  It was such a special moment for my students to see a photographer's studio and even more special was the kindness that Nathan showed them. 

I am continuing to learn, grow, and be surprised by life as always.  I supposed the most surprising things about my trip here is how I have actually been getting free lance projects in Phnom Penh and having my first solo exhibition.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it could happen to me while I am away from home.   Everything was happening so fast that at times I could not digest it all,  but like they say swallow now and digest later.  Nathan Horton came through for me once again by helping me out with the editing process for Life in Black and White photo exhibition at Living Room Cafe and Gallery. 

The exhibition was all done within a week's notice.  And we actually got some press coverage from Voice Of America.  The show was broadcast in Cambodia Sunday night and I have yet to hear it.  I am a bit nervous about it because based on past experiences with the press, it is hard to get correct information.  But he interviewed my students from the slums too through the phone and spoke with Chamnab, IDA's program officer who had been working very closely with me and the children.  Without whom, my workshop here in Cambodia would be very difficult. 

The past week I have been volunteering to document EW (Entertainment Workers) and MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) at the drop in center and at the health clinic for FHI, an international NGO that works with marginalized community members such as people and children living with HIV/AIDS, sex workers, also known as entertainment workers and homosexuals.

a monk from SCC blessing PLHA's with holy water at IDA's PLHA's monthly meetingI have been attending Indra Devy Association’s PLHA’s (People Living with HIV/AIDS) meeting with two separate teams the past week too. Team six as we call one of them, had a monk from SCC (Salvation Cambodia Center) attending the meeting. Many monks are reaching out to people affected by AIDS to give them moral support as well as religious counseling. Because monks hold such a prestigious status among many Cambodians, their presence alone decreases discrimination against many AIDS sufferers.

It was interesting to see some of my students’ parents attending the meeting. I have never seen 
Children Living with HIV/AIDS meeting with a youth leader (young lady in white on the left side) that IDA have been training them outside their slums or their homes and to see them out in the open make them seem less vulnerable. Even though they have been living with the virus for years, with the exception of one, they all look just as normal as everyone I have seen.

I have also been a witness to a meeting for CLHA (Children Living with HIV/AIDS) with team four. It was nice to see the children openly talking about AIDS amongst each other and their peer facilitator. All of them said their friends at school did not know that their parents are positive. A couple of the children within the group are actually positive themselves and again none of their friends from school knew about that part of their lives.

The world that I have been visiting the past five weeks is so different from my world in America. Just like in Nicaragua, I am out of my comfort zone experiencing things that I never thought I would live to see. I am learning and growing as always…

here's a little artist that might be one of my photography students next summer doing some art.The workshop finally got started last Tuesday. We are going to be doing the workshop with two groups of children, three weeks with each group due to the distance between the different slums and the children’s school schedule. The first group of children is younger, ages 9-12. The second group the children are from 14-17 years of age and we will commence in about two weeks. Both groups live along or on Boeung Kak Lake, a lake that was once so clear and full of marine life is now polluted with garbage and human wastes. Some of the children swim and wash themselves in it.

In the first slum, I was really lucky to have the wife of the village leader to work with. She is one of the volunteers for Indra Devy Association and is herself HIV positive. She gathered all the children for us and because of her reputation as the village leader’s wife, I feel a bit safe having the children out and about with the cameras without worrying too much for their safety or the cameras.
student sharing a photo with a friend.

I had to turn away a handful of children from the photography workshop because they were so young. After I told them I couldn’t work with them, the look of disappointment in their eyes just broke my heart. There was this one orphan in particular that I absolutely adored. He looks so much like one of my nephews when he was that age. He has lost both of his parents to HIV and is now living with his aunt. So to make up for not being able to teach them photography I told them I will teach them art instead. As soon as Chamnab, the program officer translated this to them, their eyes started to light up.

Our second day of the photo workshop and the first day of the art program in the slum was completely like sensory overload for some of the student photographers. They could not decide which one they want to do more: drawing, photography or be each other’s models. I am truly excited about working with them. Their innocence and their sweetness in contrast to their reality is heart wrenching. I love how they say “aw khon” and clasp their little hands together as to say a prayer when I gave them their treats at the end of the day.

Seeing Cambodia has really opened up my eyes about a lot of issues in regards to global poverty and the human spirit. I cannot help but compare and contrast both of the countries that I have visited the past weeks. Just a few days ago I was in Nicaragua seeing poverty all around me at this contained area of a landfill call La Chureca, while here I see poverty more spread out through the slum visits that I have experienced Tuesday.

The cultures and traditions are very different, yet human suffering is all the same. There is hope, joy, as well as disappointments and heartaches. Poverty has been deeply ingrained within their roots that some see it as a way of life instead of challenging their situation and try to make life better for their future. But how fair is it for me to say this when really all they want is to survive today so they can live for tomorrow? What need do they see in education when all they really want is to know where their next meal will come from?

Nicaragua touched me and moved me to tears, but Cambodia broke me. I do not know what it is, but perhaps it is because every lady I see carrying her goods upon her shoulders along Monivong Road with a pole, reminds me of how my mom had struggled while trying to feed us in Laos. Their weathered skin and their traditional clothing contrasted so much with the modern clothing of the city folks and the big Lexus driven by the ever richer rich.

The things that kept me up at night are not the same as the things that kept most of these people up at night. They have gone through so much turmoil within the past half century and despite their bleak past, their heart and spirit shines as beautifully as ever.

red ribbon of hopeThis little ribbon was given to me while I was on my way to the bus station from my friend Alvaro’s house to Managua by this young man that saw me a day before.  I call this photo, “Little piece of hope,” because that is the most appropriate title I can give it. When this little piece of ribbon was cut, I was one of the 50+ people that heard the promises of the lady running for a mayoral office under FSLN. I was just walking around as usual when I saw a crowd gathering around Casa Sandanista Deptal Granada. The gentleman that was doing the press coverage was the same gentleman that covered LOVE’s photography exhibition, so as soon as he saw me, he waved for me to go inside the building. I did and got some photos.

I guess what I wanted to say about this little piece of ribbon was that it was very symbolic for this young man. I had saw
people celebrating in the street of Granada him earlier that morning and was surprised when he greeted me as if we’ve been friends for awhile. I asked him how he knew me and he said from the afternoon before. Anyhow, he stopped me and pulled the piece of ribbon out from his empty wallet and gave it to me and called me “amiga.” He looked very young...I would say late teens or early 20's and looked as if his job was to pick up the trash along the streets of Granada due to the wooden cart that I have seen him with.

What I saw in front of the building the afternoon before were people full of hopes and passion for their elected official and the dreams they promised to bring. But after being at La Chureca and hearing people telling me that as soon as they walk into city hall, they can smell corruption right away, made me wonder how strange is it that these elected officials can garner so much support and passion from the people that voted them into office. And how sad is it to know that once voted into office, the rules and politics are influenced by the money that was passed underneath the table. I cannot come up with answers for all the problems I have heard nor do I have answers to all of my own questions…but what I am is an observer of the lives of people I have met and connected with.

flora in the front with red top and Jose behind her during our opening receptionLOVE’s first exhibition went well and thank goodness it was over! I’ve been on the edge of my seat all week. I am so honored to have Alvaro Belteran of SancuanJoche Galleria supporting me. Because of without whom, this exhibition would never had happen. He worked so hard and so tediously to put the show together. When I got to Granada Friday afternoon, he and my friend good friend Milagros were working so diligently together to get the photos framed at the gallery in APC.

I was running around like mad and thank God Alvaro had more sense of humor than me at moments like this. He laughed at me and told me what a typical American I was. I was so stressed I swear I thought I was going to die from anxiety.

When the children finally arrived it was heaven! It was great to see the expressions on their faces as they see their work
folklorico dancers of APC for the first time and in such large prints. All of them were there, but my little Saida. Lillian Hall came up to me and said they all responded to their photos pretty well, but Flora. She Flora was in tears and could hardly express her thoughts. I was moved to hear that.

Then while all the people were mingling and talking I saw Flora looking out the windows. She was still crying. In my bad Spanish I congratulated her. She continued to look out the window as if her mind was elsewhere and tears came streaming down even more. I asked one of the lovely young volunteers that stayed at the Quaker House with me to translate for me. I told Flora how happy I am for her and for all of them. That she needs not to be embarrassed or ashamed of anything and that she is a little star now! Everyone wants to know about them! Deep down, what I wanted to tell her was that I hope the tears she is crying were tears of joy and nothing less because from my observation of her physical state, I cannot help but think of other things.

don Juan with the studentsOverall, the night went well. We had one of the major newspapers and one of the major radio stations interviewing us. We had food, in which the children absolutely loved, wine, and live folklorico performances throughout the night. It was a beautiful night.

My deepest gratitude to Alvaro, his father, the director of APC, for their dedication to my cause
Alvaro and I in front of one of my work and the children, to Lillian Hall the director of ProNica for allowing me the opportunity to work with the children of Los Quinchos. Finally I like to thank everyone at Los Quinchos for being the guardian, counselors, and teachers to the children of La Chureca. Thank you for loving them and for bringing the children smiles and comfort when they need them.

It was really nice to see all of my students again even though it was only half of them. Saida was as loving as ever and Maria as high energy as usual. Watching them from afar while they were sharing their experiences with the guests really puts a lot of things in perspective for me. I can’t go into details about my thoughts, but I was very proud as any teacher could be of her students’ accomplishments.

children chasing after a dump truck through mud and garbage. Afterwards we went to La Chureca. I have always been curious about the place during the rain season and today I got my wish. It was a total nightmare! When I was here in March, they were on strike, so there were not a lot of workers. Today, I saw at least 200+ workers of all ages working in this muddy mess of a landfill. The smell was awful. It still lingers in my nostril even after my shower and change of clothes. To see that the garbage was only a few yards away from Los Quinchos, a place that is supposed to serve as an oasis for the children of the dump, horrified me. I have never seen the garbage being that close to the center and never saw that many garbage ever. My heart and soul goes out to all the faces that looked at me as I approached them with my camera.

Then in this muddy mess I saw David with his parents. They were resting, but right when he saw me, he hid his face
My student David with his parents taking a break from work. from me out of shame as I am sure. I have never seen any of my students at work and to see him in his real environment, working, breaks my heart. I introduced myself to his parents, shook hands with them and David and with my terrible Spanish shared with them what an excellent photographer David is. They smiled with pride and he shyly smiled at me. I took him by the hand and told him I got photos to give him. They were photos of his work and photos of him that I have taken.

I do not know to solve this problem nor am I am a writer with eloquent words…I do not know what changes I can do, but what I am able to do, I have done. I have affect change by causing an awareness of the plight of my students and have shared their stories…with the information that I am able to provide what one wants to do with this information is up to them…but I am at least grateful for the fact that I have been a catalyst for a change. The changes might not be as grand nor as evident, but the little pride that my students have taken through their photography is more than I could ever ask for.

The set up for LOVE's first exhibition is completely out of my hands til I get there Wednesday.  I was invited along with my students to speak about our experiences at the Ben Linder House Thursday morning in Managua.  After that, I guess I'll be hopping on public transportation and ride a two hour bumpy bus ride to Granada to set up for the show.  I hate having to rely on people to do things for me, but in this case, it's a necessity.  I am feeling so blessed to have been sponsored by the two groups in Granada that I cannot complain at all. 

Speaking of being blessed, I am truly honored to have so many of my flickr friends and contacts supporting me and my 
yellow rose of friendship, hope, and dreams that do come true... endeavors.  Without them, LOVE would never have been able to do these exhbitions and moved as fast as it did.  The financial support and donations make it less stressful and I am forever in their debt.  My friend Julie and I just had a conversation today and she said, "Sam, if you're ever feeling bummed out, just go to your flickr site and read all those wonderful comments left in your stream by your friends from flickr, is it even normal to get that much support?!"  I can't help but smiled...I'm not sure what is normal when it comes to flickr, but what I do know is that I am one of the lucky few that's been able to have so many wonderful contacts. 

 I finally send the photos out to be printed for our show in Granada and here in the States this weekend.  I waited and
 waited to hear from my Nicaraguan contact to make sure that we can get proper matting and framing for the photos...the size I told my contact when we first met in March was alot smaller than the ones we are going to hang for the show.  Originally I was going to print out two photos from each of my students for the exhbition, but the cost for the matting and framing was just way over my budget.  Sadly enough, we can only do one from each student but just two from a couple of them.  What I did not anticipate was how quickly my proposal to do a solo exhibition got approve by the local community college.  I was not planning on doing two shows at the same time.  But we are going to have one while I am away in Cambodia.  I hope our friends and supporters can be there to see it on my behalf. 

I am so stressed out I don't even have time to think about Cambodia.  I figured I can think about it after my exhibition in Granada.  Lately that's how my life has been...I have to force myself to think through this tunnel vision and think about other things later.  It drives me nuts because I have such a short attention span.