For the first time in my life, I have seen all that my mom taught me put into practice here in Cambodia. When you meet someone the first time, you greet them with your hand in a prayer position and your head bow down. When you leave them, it's the same. As a woman, when you sit, you sit with both of your legs together and swing them to the side. When you laugh, cover your mouth so your teeth won't show. It is not proper when people can hear you laugh or see your teeth. The clothes that you were needs to be covering the rest of you. Tank tops are too risque and your skirt should not be higher than your knees. Then mom would stressed that you should not sit with your legs crossed as a woman because it is improper.

I knew all of this when I was younger, but somewhere along the line of searching for myself and my American dreams, I've lost all of this. Now while here, I am relearning and re-educating myself based on my conversations and observations of my friends and colleagues that I've met here in Cambodia. Many have asked me if this trip was to find my roots. At first I thought it would be, but then I have not even visited Laos, my birth place, nor Yunnan, my parents birthplace.  Even though the Khmer people are not Laos nor Chinese, being around them taught me how similar we all are as Southeast Asians. With the border dispute between Cambodians and Thais over Preah Vihear, there's a call of nationalism between both countries...and supposedly the Thais are denying having any similarities with Laos and Cambodia. 

I am getting side tracked here, but I wanted to end this blog with Edie's well-intended gesture. Edie is from Belgium who have happens to be crossing path with me while coming back to Phnom Penh from Siem Reap. I shared with him what my colleague Chamnab and I have been doing with the children and he said, "oh, I want to do magic shows for your children!" We all thought it was great so he came with us the next day. The children of course loved every minute of it. Well he asked me to go up on to the front and be his side kick. I did and sat on the chair as instructed. He showed the children the scarf he was going to use to wrap around my neck. He tucked the ends inside my t-shirt. A few seconds later, he pulled the scarf and attached between the two scarves was a bra. I was shocked, but thought it was funny. My students were shocked and all looked away without any sense of amusement whatsoever, but embarrassment I believe. I'm not sure if Edie caught it, but they didn't laugh as expected. Chamnab, by coworker was embarrassed and apologized to me for being there. I didn't think it was a big deal as an American who is quite liberal in her thinking, but I guess to them showing a woman's under garment in public like that is improper.

well almost.  I am finally done with my photography workshop with the children last week  and I'm trying to wind down here in Phnom Penh during my last week.   So many things have been happening the past few weeks that I cannot really keep everyone up to date about my life here in Phnom Penh and LOVE's photography workshop. 

To start, I had the opportunity to take my students to visit the amazing Nathan Horton's studio.  He was absolutely wonderful.  He showed the children lighting basics and had them shoot with his equipment and they absolutely loved it.   Afterwards, he showed them his workflow and how he edit his photos.   He also showed them his incredible work that's been published in Cambodia.   Then he surprised us all by giving each one of them, including me, his photos on canvas.  It was such a special moment for my students to see a photographer's studio and even more special was the kindness that Nathan showed them. 

I am continuing to learn, grow, and be surprised by life as always.  I supposed the most surprising things about my trip here is how I have actually been getting free lance projects in Phnom Penh and having my first solo exhibition.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it could happen to me while I am away from home.   Everything was happening so fast that at times I could not digest it all,  but like they say swallow now and digest later.  Nathan Horton came through for me once again by helping me out with the editing process for Life in Black and White photo exhibition at Living Room Cafe and Gallery. 

The exhibition was all done within a week's notice.  And we actually got some press coverage from Voice Of America.  The show was broadcast in Cambodia Sunday night and I have yet to hear it.  I am a bit nervous about it because based on past experiences with the press, it is hard to get correct information.  But he interviewed my students from the slums too through the phone and spoke with Chamnab, IDA's program officer who had been working very closely with me and the children.  Without whom, my workshop here in Cambodia would be very difficult. 

Hardly. I have been staying here in Phnom Penh for five weeks now and everyday I am learning and discovering something new.

The past week I have been volunteering to document EW (Entertainment Workers) and MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) at the drop in center and at the health clinic for FHI, an international NGO that works with marginalized community members such as people and children living with HIV/AIDS, sex workers, also known as entertainment workers and homosexuals.

a monk from SCC blessing PLHA's with holy water at IDA's PLHA's monthly meetingI have been attending Indra Devy Association’s PLHA’s (People Living with HIV/AIDS) meeting with two separate teams the past week too. Team six as we call one of them, had a monk from SCC (Salvation Cambodia Center) attending the meeting. Many monks are reaching out to people affected by AIDS to give them moral support as well as religious counseling. Because monks hold such a prestigious status among many Cambodians, their presence alone decreases discrimination against many AIDS sufferers.

It was interesting to see some of my students’ parents attending the meeting. I have never seen 
Children Living with HIV/AIDS meeting with a youth leader (young lady in white on the left side) that IDA have been training them outside their slums or their homes and to see them out in the open make them seem less vulnerable. Even though they have been living with the virus for years, with the exception of one, they all look just as normal as everyone I have seen.

I have also been a witness to a meeting for CLHA (Children Living with HIV/AIDS) with team four. It was nice to see the children openly talking about AIDS amongst each other and their peer facilitator. All of them said their friends at school did not know that their parents are positive. A couple of the children within the group are actually positive themselves and again none of their friends from school knew about that part of their lives.

The world that I have been visiting the past five weeks is so different from my world in America. Just like in Nicaragua, I am out of my comfort zone experiencing things that I never thought I would live to see. I am learning and growing as always…

here's a little artist that might be one of my photography students next summer doing some art.The workshop finally got started last Tuesday. We are going to be doing the workshop with two groups of children, three weeks with each group due to the distance between the different slums and the children’s school schedule. The first group of children is younger, ages 9-12. The second group the children are from 14-17 years of age and we will commence in about two weeks. Both groups live along or on Boeung Kak Lake, a lake that was once so clear and full of marine life is now polluted with garbage and human wastes. Some of the children swim and wash themselves in it.

In the first slum, I was really lucky to have the wife of the village leader to work with. She is one of the volunteers for Indra Devy Association and is herself HIV positive. She gathered all the children for us and because of her reputation as the village leader’s wife, I feel a bit safe having the children out and about with the cameras without worrying too much for their safety or the cameras.
student sharing a photo with a friend.

I had to turn away a handful of children from the photography workshop because they were so young. After I told them I couldn’t work with them, the look of disappointment in their eyes just broke my heart. There was this one orphan in particular that I absolutely adored. He looks so much like one of my nephews when he was that age. He has lost both of his parents to HIV and is now living with his aunt. So to make up for not being able to teach them photography I told them I will teach them art instead. As soon as Chamnab, the program officer translated this to them, their eyes started to light up.

Our second day of the photo workshop and the first day of the art program in the slum was completely like sensory overload for some of the student photographers. They could not decide which one they want to do more: drawing, photography or be each other’s models. I am truly excited about working with them. Their innocence and their sweetness in contrast to their reality is heart wrenching. I love how they say “aw khon” and clasp their little hands together as to say a prayer when I gave them their treats at the end of the day.

Seeing Cambodia has really opened up my eyes about a lot of issues in regards to global poverty and the human spirit. I cannot help but compare and contrast both of the countries that I have visited the past weeks. Just a few days ago I was in Nicaragua seeing poverty all around me at this contained area of a landfill call La Chureca, while here I see poverty more spread out through the slum visits that I have experienced Tuesday.

The cultures and traditions are very different, yet human suffering is all the same. There is hope, joy, as well as disappointments and heartaches. Poverty has been deeply ingrained within their roots that some see it as a way of life instead of challenging their situation and try to make life better for their future. But how fair is it for me to say this when really all they want is to survive today so they can live for tomorrow? What need do they see in education when all they really want is to know where their next meal will come from?

Nicaragua touched me and moved me to tears, but Cambodia broke me. I do not know what it is, but perhaps it is because every lady I see carrying her goods upon her shoulders along Monivong Road with a pole, reminds me of how my mom had struggled while trying to feed us in Laos. Their weathered skin and their traditional clothing contrasted so much with the modern clothing of the city folks and the big Lexus driven by the ever richer rich.

The things that kept me up at night are not the same as the things that kept most of these people up at night. They have gone through so much turmoil within the past half century and despite their bleak past, their heart and spirit shines as beautifully as ever.